Some of you have been asking me about why I haven’t posted in awhile. Thanks for caring enough to ask. I appreciate that. I must tell you that it’s been a whirlwind summer and I simply haven’t had enough time to mentally and emotionally process life. And I need to do that in order to write coherently. So, here’s hoping that this post isn’t just a bunch of rambling.
7 months ago, we began praying specifically about adoption.
5 months ago, we chose an agency.
3 months ago, we had our home visit.
2 months ago, we finished our grant applications.
There is nothing more for us to do besides…wait.
So, we are…waiting. Waiting for God to bring us our baby. Waiting on His perfect timing. His timing is perfect, right? RIGHT?! Sometimes I wonder.
A few nights ago, the four of us (my husband, me, and our two kiddos) were on our way home from a refreshing evening spent with friends. As we turned on to our camp road, the mile-long stretch of gravel and potholes that leads us home, we cranked up the song, “I Will Wait”, by Mumford & Sons. With windows down, volume amped, neck veins bulging, and the night air in our lungs, we belted out as loud as possible, “I WILL WAIT, I WILL WAIT FOR YOU! I WILL WAIT, I WILL WAIT FOR YOU!”
Somewhere in all our yelling, er singing, and eventual laughter, my voice caught in my throat. I had to stifle a cry because here we were, my three favorite people in the whole wide world, shouting out in unison: WE WILL WAIT. We will wait for our baby. We will wait for our sibling. We will wait for God to bring this little soul to our home. Even when our arms ache to hold our sweet bundle. Even when we imagine the cooing and giggling and smiling. Even when we want to set up the pack-n-play and begin this journey as a family of five. Yes, Lord, even in those vivid moments of yearning, we will wait for You.
Now, in this particular case, we really have no choice but to wait. We do however, have a choice in how we wait. This makes me cranky sometimes. If you could hear my thoughts in those moments, you may notice that they carry a hint of whine: “I’m tired of waiting! Can’t You just give us a baby already? What is taking so long?! Come on, we’re trying to provide a home for a child in need of one. How difficult is that, people?”
Our family jam session reminded me that if I can’t authentically live those three important words, then maybe I shouldn’t be singing them. You see, I really don’t want to wait. I’m weary of waiting. And in adoption time, we’ve waited for like 2 minutes, maybe. We might even have another year or more of waiting (GOD.HELP.ME.) But as I seek the Truth, I find that God is more concerned with my heart while I wait. So, I am asking for His supernatural strength and patience and peace to wait well. To wait with gratitude. To wait with great hope in Him. And to wait, believing that my loving Savior cares enough about my heart to bring us the perfect-for-us little bundle in His perfect time, not mine.
If you’d like to share what you’re waiting for in this season of life, I’d like to hear it!
By the way, if you want to catch Mumford & Sons’ Saturday Night Live performance of “I Will Wait”, you can check it out here: http://youtu.be/S5t7B-ia8Y0. Please know that I do not necessarily approve of all YouTube advertisements.