The Beauty of Now
I was out walking with a friend pre-snowmageddon, chatting about life as we often do. One of our topics of conversation revolved around the idea of being in two places at once. I’m not talking about straddling borders or state lines or hangin’ out on the Equator. I’m talking about how strange it is that our hearts can be rooted in one place and yet long for the next place. How is that possible?
Since we’re in the process of adopting, my mind of course went to thoughts of a sweet, squishy baby, namely one with an extra chromosome. Some days I physically ache for our new little one, yet I am so unbelievably grateful for the two gifts I already have in Selah & Jude. How is that possible? If I am really content with the children God has already given to me, then how could I possibly long for more? I don’t have a good answer to that question. But my good friend had a point when she said, “Katie, when you feel like you can’t wait another day for that little one, throw your arms around the two you already have and be grateful.” She’s right.
How many times have I longed for a place or a person without fully enjoying the place and the people I’ve already been given? As a kid, I remember the anticipation of whatever was next in my developmental years: learning to ride a bike, going to kindergarten, losing a tooth, getting my ears pierced, making friends, starting high school, and getting my driver’s license. (I still remember that first night out driving on my own. I got lost downtown and ended up going the wrong way on a one way street! Two words: SHEER TERROR.) Then, there was my high school graduation, those eventful college years, my first date with Glendon, our wedding, our first home…I think you get the idea. In retrospect, I’m not sure that I fully enjoyed the present when I was in it. I was so eager for the future, the next thing, whatever that “thing” was, that maybe I didn’t fully appreciate what I had in the present.
Now I’m not saying that it’s wrong to be excited for the next step in our lives or that we shouldn’t anticipate whatever God has for us down the road. Quite the contrary. Scripture makes it clear that because of Christ’s death and resurrection, we have a beautiful future ahead of us, regardless of our present circumstances. One day, sin’s curse will be destroyed and all things will be made new. We are encouraged to long for that day. And I think we all have those days or seasons (or lifetimes) on this broken, fallen planet when we cling to that truth. Sometimes, that truth is all that we have!
What I am saying is that like the apostle Paul reminds us in the book of Philippians, we can learn to be content with where God has led us while we look forward to whatever He has in mind for our future. Right now, I want to savor this time without our baby. That’s right: WITHOUT our baby. I want to be fully present right here, right now, savoring the uniqueness of this time. I don’t want to be so focused on the horizon (that potential little one) that I fail to see the beauty of now. So, today I’m throwing my arms around the two gifts I already have and I’m giving thanks to the Giver of their lives.
Do you feel like you’re living in two places at once right now? I would love to hear your story!